And an odee-odee-odee-ah to all of you. Survivor 6 premiers in a 90-minute special on Thursday February 13. Check your local listings and invite your Valentine over a day early for a little romantic ridicule. Who will win our hearts? Who will drive us crazy? Let's start our relationship with the cast of Survivor: The Amazon!

We'll do the same breakdown as last season, based on the bios on the official CBS web site. Thankfully this time CBS doesn't provide any video clips to throw us off. If you remember correctly, last time I thought Pastor John would do quite well and Clay had no chance. I will not be fooled by someone's speech again! Only good looks will confuse me this time.

As we meet this cast, keep these facts in mind: The oldest winner was Tina at 40. The youngest winner was 27-year-old Ethan. Take him out, and the average age of the Ultimate Survivors is 37.

Why is this? I think young people aren't savvy enough to handle the mental and political aspect of the game. Colby in the Outback came close but made a terrible strategic move in picking Tina and it cost him. I think older people aren't strong enough to lead by example. Kim J. in Africa made it to the final, but no one thought she had earned it so she lost by a landslide to Ethan.

What does this all mean? Read on.

Alex
Survivor Heritage: S4 John, Ethan
Luxury Item: Triathlon medal
Comments: Alex works as a triathlon trainer and should excel in every physical challenge. Will they tease him for his love of lotus blossoms?
Dang Fun Outlook: Anybody who likes Pringles can't be all bad.

Butch
Survivor Heritage: Paschal, Frank
Luxury Item: School Banner
Comments: This middle school principal is an outdoorsman. Will he give his young tribemates detention?
Dang Fun Outlook: Wouldn't you like to vote one of your old teachers off the island?

Christy
Survivor Heritage: Tanya, S1 Jenna
Luxury Item: Sage
Comments: Christy is deaf and works with deaf children. How will the first handicapped Survivor do?
Dang Fun Outlook: Read my lips--I think she'll have trouble communicating with people.

Daniel
Survivor Heritage: Colby, Clarence
Luxury Item: Magnetic Rings
Comments: By far the buffest S6 castaway. This tax accountant is the first Asian male and replaces the regular one black male, for those keeping the color score.
Dang Fun Outlook: If he tries to be a leader, he'll be gone like Hunter.

Dave
Survivor Heritage: Nick, S1 Sean
Luxury Item: Sketch Book and Pencil
Comments: Survivor ain't rocket science, which is too bad for Dave, an actual rocket scientist.
Dang Fun Outlook: Seems like a blast. Will he become a star?

Deena
Survivor Heritage: Stacey, Diane
Luxury Item: Water Balloons
Comments: This attorney from California has a manly chin. Please don't sue me.
Dang Fun Outlook: She has the right to remain silent, but I doubt she will.

Heidi
Survivor Heritage: Elisabeth, S3 Kim P.
Luxury Item: Jump rope
Comments: This blonde young P.E. teacher used to work for a lingerie company. And she brought a jump rope. Being in a same-sex tribe will hurt her more than anyone.
Dang Fun Outlook: Hot for teacher? Hubba hubba.

Janet
Survivor Heritage: Kathy, Teresa
Luxury Item: Daughter's Teddy Bear
Comments: Janet is a travel agent and the oldest female. She plans to become a certified hypnotist. You have to be certified to rip people off?
Dang Fun Outlook: When I snap my fingers, you will think you have a chance.

Jeanne
Survivor Heritage: Tammy, Tina
Luxury Item: Massage Oil
Comments: Will this Director of Marketing do better with the massage oil than S4 John? I think she could (and may even be more attractive to the men).
Dang Fun Outlook: Her tribe will look to her to get the kinks out.

Jenna
Survivor Heritage: Neleh, Amber
Luxury Item: Beauty Pageant Crown
Comments: This swimsuit model is a barely-Survivor-legal 21. Jenna finished third in the Miss Pennsylvania competition. Don't think she'll do that well here.
Dang Fun Outlook: She brought a crown? Oh yeah, she'll make a lot of friends.

JoAnna
Survivor Heritage: Linda, Gretchen
Luxury Item: Picture of her Mother
Comments: JoAnna is a Guidance Counselor who went to college on a basketball scholarship. She also has acted in commercials and the movie "Jawanna Mann." Jawanna get on TV, huh?
Dang Fun Outlook: Fit with a master's degree. I like her chances.

Matthew
Survivor Heritage:S2 Jeff, Brian
Luxury Item: High School Wrestling Jacket
Comments: Oh man, where do I start? You could write an entire article on this restaurant designer's bio alone. If he has any impact on the season, I certainly will.
Dang Fun Outlook: His high school wrestling jacket? He's 33 years old! He'll need to be a GREAT liar not to annoy everyone.

Rob
Survivor Heritage: S4 Rob, Greg
Luxury Item: Magic 8 Ball
Comments: This Computer Projects Coordinator (huh? He probably just replaces the printer paper) is another potential character. He lists his "single greatest accomplishment" as driving 21 hours to Mardi Gras.
Dang Fun Outlook: He can only hope Jenna will take his beads.

Roger
Survivor Heritage: Rodger, Rudy
Luxury Item: Dog Tags
Comments: Roger is the oldest Survivor and a Vietnam vet. His occupation is "Vice President of Estimating." I want that job! "Uh, it looks like it's between 500 and 3 million. Give or take."
Dang Fun Outlook: Talking about "when I was your age" wouldn't be wise with his young tribesmen.

Ryan
Survivor Heritage: Silas, Jed
Luxury Item: Baseball and Bat
Comments: Model and actor Ryan is this season's pretty boy. He lists "clean underwear" among his favorite scents.
Dang Fun Outlook: Smile while you can, sunshine.

Shawna
Survivor Heritage: Coleen, Lindsey
Luxury Item: Soccer Ball
Comments: Shawna is in Retail Clothing Sales and she likes snickerdoodles.
Dang Fun Outlook: Will she get along with Jenna and Heidi or will they all be rivals?

General thoughts: The ladies are at a major disadvantage and it has nothing to do with physical strength. Their tribe name, Jaburu, sounds an awful lot like Samburu, and we know how well that tribe did in S3. Can the woman overcome the -buru curse?

Speaking of the ladies, there seems to be a pretty obvious split in the group. Half of them are under 25 and the youngest member of the other half is 31-year-old JoAnna. Another similarity to Samburu perhaps?

Ten castaways listed Monopoly among their favorite board games. Is it the strategic component, or getting to play with wads of cash?

So who wins? By virtue of the age trend noted above, we can safely eliminate Christy, Heidi, Jenna, Shawna, Dave, Rob, and Ryan for being too young, and Janet, Butch and Roger for being too old.

Take out Daniel for being too physically threatening, and Matthew for being too dang snobby, and I say the winner comes this group of four: Jeanne, JoAnna, Alex and Deena. And if you forced me to rank them, I'd put them in that order. Let's see how badly I do this time.

Ah, the smell of fresh Survivor in the air!

Your nosy friend,
Scott

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